Winter Break?

For the past week or so I have been on break, I have a little less than one week left. I few days ago I went to a party which is something I do not normally do, but I had made a promise to go so I sort of cornered myself. I had planned on only stopping in, having a few pictures taken as proof that I was in fact there and then heading home. I don't really know what happened but all of a sudden it was almost 1 am when I looked at the clock! What the dickens happened?! I ran to my phone to see 12 missed calls- holy shit, I am a dead man. A man rush to get home ensued and I was able to sneak in without my mother noticing but it was a close call in the morning. When I woke the next day I went upstairs to see my mother and she was not happy to say the least. She asked what time I got home and I may have fibbed and told her I was home at 12 and I did not tell her because I did not want to wake her. It took a little persuasion but I was able to convince her of my innocence.
I guess my question is, how do parents not wonder about their children when they know they are going out?
I must be a nun or something because I would be so scared of my parents every time I went out.

'Tis the Season

I am now on winter break and let me tell you, I am so excited! Apparently other people were too since my school was buck wild. On the last day before break I went to the restroom (which is something only to do when you REALLY need to) and on the way there I noticed two girls at a locker; one was getting stuff from it and her friend was standing next to her doing body rolls against the lockers. No lie, I let out a small yelp and had to run to the restroom so as not to laugh directly at them. Once safely away from them I laughed uncontrollably. That's not all though, when I was in the stall someone walked in. I don't mind anything until I hear what sounds like a fire hose shooting into the toilet, as I am washing my hands I glance at the floor and realize that the feet are facing the toilet, not the door... seriously? You couldn't walk the extra twenty feet to the mens room? This all happened in approximately a two minute time period.

A few days before my sister met me for lunch. As she was creepily waiting under the doorway for my class to end someone comes running out of the door screaming "I smoke da dro! I smoke da dro!" For those of you who do not know what "dro" is, it is a type of weed.
Speaking of drugs, I do not partake in illegal activities but it is astonishing how much I know about this "franchise". It really is a franchise, there are people who have multiple dealers, dealers with dealers, dealers who have people who work for them who have people who work for them, it's remarkable. I guess it's quite profitable. I was explaining it to my mother and I think she's slightly concerned about my knowledge. I guess I can understand how it may be disconcerting to hear your child talk about the drug business like it's nothing but let's be real, I go to a public high school. I know so much about this I think I could be an undercover cop, and do much better than them, it's like when they're undercover they forget how to be regular people.
These are some of my drug stories:
Last year I was walking to meet some friends for lunch when a man who appeared to be about 30 came up to me and asked if I smoked, when I replied "no" he asked if I wanted to buy from him, when I replied "no" again he told me where he was going to be if I wanted to later on, or if I knew anyone that wanted to.

A few weeks ago I was standing outside of my school with a group of people talking about chocolate covered marshmallows when a kid walks up. He asked us if we had weed on us and when we all said "no" he asked if we knew where he could find some, none of us did. We continued to talk about the marshmallows thinking that he would leave. Well we were wrong; he asked what we were talking about so we told him in the hopes that he would leave us alone. Wrong again, he did not understand the concept of marshmallows so he awkwardly stood there and listened to us, periodically interjecting to ask something. When we were finally fed up and laughing we explained what a marshmallow is. He goes, "Oh, you mean those tiny white candies?" "Correctamundo!" "There's weed in them?!" "... what? No! these are marshmallows!" He was the last person that needed any weed. Goodness gracious!

Those are the only ones I can think of right now and I swear these are not cock and bull stories.

Who gives a what?

I find it fascinating what students say in front of teachers, or really what people say at the most inappropriate times. As you may know I am taking quite a few "easy A" classes but some of the best stuff comes from my AP classes. In one of my classes in particular there is one part of the room where everybody just talks about how much they can drink and smoke before feeling the effects or the crazy party that they went to. Don't get me wrong, I am not oblivious to what happens at parties, I know not many people are spending their Friday nights with their mother playing monopoly. However, I don't understand why you would flaunt that information (that could very well have them suspended or expelled) around a teacher. One of my friends recently asked them why they talk about it so close to the teacher and they responded with, "oh she can't here us, she's teaching the class." Really? I am going to have to disagree, she is just ignoring you! She isn't deaf, and I would bet that she knows most of the lingo, after all, she is still alive.

Parent- Teacher Conferences

Yesterday was parent teacher conferences so I didn't have school. While most people party hard the night before because they know it's their last night of freedom I usually take this opportunity to ask my mom for something that I want or tell her something I did because my grades are usually good and it helps her turn a blind eye. Unfortunately, I received a call that morning from my mother saying that my grades had "plummeted", I immediately started to panic and tried to think of reasons why my grades would have dropped so much, not being able to think of anything I go to check them online preparing for the worst. As I log into the grading system with my heart in my throat I see that I am making all A's and B's. By my standards this is perfectly acceptable so I call my mother back, she had seen my grades about a half hour before when I had one C. My mother was a high school teacher and senior class dean so I know that she has high standard for me and my siblings but I thought that was bit much. Out of my siblings I am the student while my sister is the athlete and my brother is the artist. Let's be real right now, even if I was still making one C I don't think it would be the end of the world- after all I am going to community college next year and living at home with my mother and brother. Speaking of college, as admission letter start coming in the mail and people are relieved to see that they do in fact have a future in their education I am growing fond of the idea of "fake school" as my sister calls it. I really enjoy seeing people's faces as they hear that I am not going to a university until my junior year; it's quite endearing. The expressions are those of pity and genuine sorrow, when I say that I am not upset about it they just act like I am trying to be strong and not show my deep pain. I guess they think that community college is the equivalent of a forever crippling car accident or something along those lines. I am SO excited for Harold Washington Community College, plus, I think it'll supply some good stories for this blog.

This is History

This year I am taking honors English rather than AP for a few reasons, primarily it was too much work for me and I wanted to sleep this year but also I hate revising things (as I am sure you'll see in some of my posts). At the beginning of the year we began rather slow but I was appreciating the relaxed approach instead of the "DO YOU SEE THIS?!" style that I had become used to in the previous year. I had assumed that the pace would pick up and I would be at a reasonable rate within a week or two- wrong! I did not realize that I had in fact signed up for remedial English! Today we took a true/false quiz on the Vietnam War because we began reading "The Things They Carried" (one of my favorite books); the first question asked if the V.W. took place in the 1800's. Really? The whole test was a joke, but really? The 1800's? I was relieved to hear a unanimous "False" when we went over the quiz but there were definately some surprising answers to some of the later questions. When asked if the U.S. became involved to stop the spread of communism I was so sad to hear a mix of "trues" and "falses".

That quiz was not the only thing that happened today. Apparently there was a fight at the end of the day. Contrary to what many people believe my school does not have many fights but when we do they are intense. I was not there when it happened but it was the talk of the town for a little while. One of my teachers said that she had never seen anything like it. Now, most people would be horrified to hear that high school students solve their problems through violence instead of a more peaceful approach like talking but when it comes down to it, what's more entertaining, a fist fight or a verbal assault? Personally when I hear "fight" I go the opposite direction but I guess I am in the minority in this case. About 98% of my last class was more interested in where the fight would be going after school so they could get a good view. To make matters worse a friend of mine was walking down the hallway when she passed a few of the girls in the fight talking with one of the security guards. They were talking about the fight, not ways to prevent future problems but gossiping about it! If the security guard is being paid to protect, to the best of their abilities the students and faculty at school, I would hope that they would intervene when a situation like this arises. I am wrong here too.

Continuing with the security guard scheme a few days ago while walking down the hallway I was pushed out of the way. This is a very common situation but this time it was by a security guard. The guards at my school are actually friends with the students- apparently to the point where it is acceptable to surprise one of the girls and it is also appropriate for said girl to scream and hug this guard. I am not especially open with my feelings but as I told my friends about it they all agreed that it was really weird.

Now this next scenario did not happen recently, it happened sophomore year but it is one of my favorites and it includes me personally. As I was walking to my geometry class I was faced with a large group of students standing directly in my way, as I begin navigating the crowd I bump into a girl. After quickly excusing myself I continue walking and before I knew it the girl pushes me so hard I almost fall over. I played soccer for 11.5 consecutive years and if you can get me to fall down you are really strong. Anyway, after I regain my balance I turn around just in time for her to scream in my face, "Bitch you are not excused!" I honestly didn't know what to say or do other than laugh and walk away and in retrospect that was not the best thing to do. A while later I told a girl in my German class what had happened and she asked what I did, when I told her that I walked away she told me I needed to stand up for myself. I have never been a fighter and I most certainly am not one now- I only use butter knifes because I am scared of everything else, I still have my mother cut food that requires sharper utensils. After she told me I needed to be stronger I asked what she would do and she said that she would have pushed her back and said, "Bitch I said excuse me! What do you want a damn parade or something?!" at this point I didn't know what to do other than laugh hysterically. I would never do something like that, but this is my life in public school.

Something Smells Fishy and I Don't Know What

I decided to post today because of the unusual events of the day. I walked up to school a bit late and I saw that there was an enormous line outside the school. My school periodically makes random bag checks in addition to those near holiday's like halloween. At first I was upset that I would be even later to my class than I would have on my own but calmed down after thinking about how ridiculous my school is. I eventually get to my class with an astonishing twenty minutes left. I go through the day thinking it was a regular one with no exceptionally strange happenings until my last class when I found out that someone brought a homemade bomb to school! Who would ever do that! I understand that there are some unintelligent people out there, and I by no means consider myself exceedingly bright, but seriously?!

These are the regular quotes I have so far:
"Don't eat that bacon, there's something suspicious about it."

(This should be shouted) "Wit yo wet gerbil lookin' ass"

"Motherboard"

"Are you burning a flaming hot?!" Someone had taken a flaming hot cheeto and a lighter and set it on fire.

"I go hard on that meth."

The beginning

Since this is the first post I'll have a larger post to kick it off! Here we go:

"Why is yo hand in my booty crack?"

"I love to drink, all I do is drink."

"You know what I just noticed? This is actually a belly button ring..."

a. "You see that?"

b. "What?"

a. "It's a camel."

"Stop looking- I'm only giving her a neck rub."

"God don't like ugly"

"When gorillas go wild."

"You hit be in the mouth, bitch"

"Suck your what?! What she say?"

"Meow"

"Your mom was fucking at 12?!"